wanderlust

rekindling/awakening

1. my tumblr has been so poorly neglected the past year. i blame this on the horrible hell that is second year med school. i was literally a walking zombie, just trying to get through one week in order to use the weekend to study for monday’s exams. and after enough cycles of sleeplessness, i woke up and the year was over. i was alive. i screamed for joy at the end of our last exam, and nearly broke down in tears.
2. trix and i talked about Scope tonight, and we kept emphasizing “quality, not quantity.” such a coincidence, because this is exactly something i’ve been musing on for a while, but in terms of friendships. despite the 800+ FB friends i have, i’d only say i have a handful of quality friendships - the kind of relationship you willingly put effort into maintaining, the kind of people that you miss when it’s been to many months since your last good sit-down-and-talk, the people that you can fall back into step with, even if it has been too many months since you’ve talked and they still get your neutral negatives. and while at times i feel so alone in a sea of people (sometimes at school, mostly in the crowded streets/malls of Manila), it’s these deep friendships that provide this amazing source of energy and love. i especially realized this after going home for the summer, as Kyle gave me a lingering hug goodbye (& we were both almost to the point of tears) with the knowledge that it would probably be more than “just a few months” until we’d see each other again.
3. & because the value of true friendship is something i’ve come to value so dearly, it makes the petty drama/tension/blackmailing/bullshitwhateverthefuckyoucallit at school so much more retarded. it’s really kind of a pain to have this environment where (especially for intuitive people) you can just sense that everyone’s kind of walking on eggshells. 
4. but i’m not going to let that get to me because: 
5.  i changed someone’s life three years ago with a 1 hour conversation. :) and just when i was feeling a bit down this week because of #4, my world is turned upside down. i just talked to my friend who moved to NYC 2 years ago. and he thanked me for that conversation, because it changed his life, how he viewed family and relationships, and how it has made such an impact on all his new relationships. what a boost of encouragement, that came out of nowhere! in a way, it gave a resolve to become a better student and a great doctor. that conversation i had with him years ago was but a fleeting moment for me, but it had a lasting impact on him. i want it to be that way with my future patients - i know i won’t have maybe more than 15 min with them, but i hope that the things i say and the way i treat them have a lifelong impact. i want to be not just a healer, but a life changer.