wanderlust

rekindling/awakening

1. my tumblr has been so poorly neglected the past year. i blame this on the horrible hell that is second year med school. i was literally a walking zombie, just trying to get through one week in order to use the weekend to study for monday’s exams. and after enough cycles of sleeplessness, i woke up and the year was over. i was alive. i screamed for joy at the end of our last exam, and nearly broke down in tears.
2. trix and i talked about Scope tonight, and we kept emphasizing “quality, not quantity.” such a coincidence, because this is exactly something i’ve been musing on for a while, but in terms of friendships. despite the 800+ FB friends i have, i’d only say i have a handful of quality friendships - the kind of relationship you willingly put effort into maintaining, the kind of people that you miss when it’s been to many months since your last good sit-down-and-talk, the people that you can fall back into step with, even if it has been too many months since you’ve talked and they still get your neutral negatives. and while at times i feel so alone in a sea of people (sometimes at school, mostly in the crowded streets/malls of Manila), it’s these deep friendships that provide this amazing source of energy and love. i especially realized this after going home for the summer, as Kyle gave me a lingering hug goodbye (& we were both almost to the point of tears) with the knowledge that it would probably be more than “just a few months” until we’d see each other again.
3. & because the value of true friendship is something i’ve come to value so dearly, it makes the petty drama/tension/blackmailing/bullshitwhateverthefuckyoucallit at school so much more retarded. it’s really kind of a pain to have this environment where (especially for intuitive people) you can just sense that everyone’s kind of walking on eggshells. 
4. but i’m not going to let that get to me because: 
5.  i changed someone’s life three years ago with a 1 hour conversation. :) and just when i was feeling a bit down this week because of #4, my world is turned upside down. i just talked to my friend who moved to NYC 2 years ago. and he thanked me for that conversation, because it changed his life, how he viewed family and relationships, and how it has made such an impact on all his new relationships. what a boost of encouragement, that came out of nowhere! in a way, it gave a resolve to become a better student and a great doctor. that conversation i had with him years ago was but a fleeting moment for me, but it had a lasting impact on him. i want it to be that way with my future patients - i know i won’t have maybe more than 15 min with them, but i hope that the things i say and the way i treat them have a lifelong impact. i want to be not just a healer, but a life changer.

blood holds more than RBCs and monocytes; it holds legacies.

dad & i had lunch today at The Stock Market in Serendra and continued our discussion from Friday about faith healing. now, my dad is a very reasonable, logical man not easily swayed by emotional situations. he is the most level-headed person i know. but there are some things, some family stories that are passed down, that you don’t try to reason out. you just believe.

since i graduated highschool, my dad has passed down a few family stories - like the first Muslim Alim that saved Donsol from crocodiles, and heroically died in the process leaving behind one child to his Filipina wife. or the legend of birth of fireflies, from an enchanted fisherman’s wife, mourning the loss of her husband at sea.

and to add to the collection is the legend of Magallanes, a small town in Bicol. i’d type out the story, but i doubt anyone would believe me. and i think it’s best that the story stay in the family; it kind of makes it more special that way.

but let’s just say it completely changed my perspective of the Lourdes miracles and faith healing - and it put back the emphasis on faith. i think that i will have a long struggle with fixing that fine line between science & medicine and faith & God. but it’s stories like the one my dad told me this weekend that will keep me grounded.

i know i may not be superstitous, but when it comes to our families stories and Bicol folklore that my dad passes down to me, i’m all ears and any trace of skepticism fades away. maybe it’s maturity, maybe it’s the childlike innocence left in me.

maybe it’s just the Lozano-Alim blood pulsing through me, carrying the quirks and blessings of my forefathers.

it’s in the blood; this is what i was born to do.