January 2012
2 posts
1 tag
DIY
I’ve chosen to be self-sufficient, self-dependent/independent for so long; mostly out of fear/avoidance of being disappointed by others. (I’ve been proven right too many times to change my ways.)
But it’s a new year, so here’s to trying to trust.
December 2011
1 post
square peg, round hole.
i feel taken for granted/forgotten. i doubt any of you realize that; but it’s the little things that show it.
can’t wait for my 2 weeks out of Manila. i need a break from this polluted city, full of rude people, a corrupt government, and dirty gray streets and skies.
September 2011
2 posts
the mind studying the brain
Current Trans: Geriatric Psych Current Mood: depressed
Why?
Memories of my lola & her mental/physical demise in her old age. The fact that depression/dementia are common co-morbidities with heart disease. It bothers me that she may have been suffering from more than physical disease and nobody bothered to catch it :( She had a history of falls as well, and I remember it got to the point...
i'm an assorted mess, like a box of chocolates
Hypochondriasis - CHECK [uh, aren’t all med students?]
OCD - CHECK; [trans compiler, has to touch key/phone/wallet before leaving, triple locks the car, obsessively labels emails]
Social Phobia - CHECK; [as a child, I was terrified of ordering food because it meant I had to talk to the cashier; in high school I would have panic attacks before every single piano recital. after spazzing out...
August 2011
1 post
neglected middle child syndrome.
YES. i am pissed and upset. and you probably have NO IDEA.
My VERY SIMPLE request for you to WAIT FOR ME was completely ignored. But it’s fine. I’ll suck it up. And go back to studying. Like the good little daughter that I am. I’ll pretend that I dont’ feel hurt, or ignored, or like it even matters.
It’s not about the fact that, yes we’ll still do everything I...
July 2011
2 posts
running on empty
i feel out of: sync/yourlife/theloop/energy/patience/time/inspiration/hope.
June 2011
6 posts
3 tags
breaking the bad news
we just had a lecture this past week about “breaking the bad news.” the practice session wasn’t even about telling a family that their loved one died. it was about telling someone they had Hepatitis B and couldn’t apply for work abroad.
it was still heart wrenching.
i’ve been on the receiving end of bad news more than i’d like now. and it doesn’t get...
“j: i know it’s been 6 years… but seeing him again brought back so...”
– so this, this is closure :)
“If ever there is a tomorrow when we’re not together, there is something you must...”
– Winnie the Pooh (via hmla0809)
3 tags
rekindling/awakening
my tumblr has been so poorly neglected the past year. i blame this on the horrible hell that is second year med school. i was literally a walking zombie, just trying to get through one week in order to use the weekend to study for monday’s exams. and after enough cycles of sleeplessness, i woke up and the year was over. i was alive. i screamed for joy at the end of our last exam, and nearly...
April 2011
2 posts
The Royal Wedding on Tumblr
Expectations:
Reality:
I seriously didn’t give shit until it started. But weddings in general make me so so sappy. But now? Ugh can we please move on?!
the future freaks me out
Would you love more, knowing your relationship has an expiry date?
Would you choose love, if it meant sacrificing your dreams a little?
Would you leave, to lessen the heartbreak?
Or would you wait, and hope instead?
February 2011
1 post
“You will come across many more deaths as medical students and as doctors....”
– Dr. Ronnie Baticulon, on the sudden, devastating death of our dear friend Darryl Martin.
December 2010
4 posts
So this is the new year
The Year if Weddings is finally coming to an end. Thank god.
This has also been the year of wakeupandgotoclassifyouwannapass. and the year of we were never really friends and I’m ok wit that. And best of all, the year of old friends, many of which I’ve happily rekindled/maintained/nurtured this year.
2010 wasn’t a difficult year (minus the grueling academics), and i’v...
The haunting past
I’ll admit, I ran away from a lot of things and people when I went to college. I had freedom, and a clean slate - no one knew who I was, so I could finally be who I really was.
I guess that’s what makes it difficult coming home. Around every corner there’s someone from my past, someone I ran way from.
I guess really though I was just running away from this girl I used to be....
1 tag
“When the star in the sky is gone, when the kings and princes are home, when the...”
– - Dr. Wong.
Merry Christmas :)
November 2010
1 post
4 tags
Happy Holidays!
The plan is always very very simple when I go home:
Soak up the sun&sea.
Sleep (in Hazel’s room).
Hug mom every morning; kiss dad when he comes home from work.
Eat & laugh with old friends.
Bake something delicious.
(to be added to the list: Photograph everything.)
It (obviously) doesn’t take much to make me happy! I can’t wait for Christmas (& I’ve been...
October 2010
1 post
1 tag
letters of desperation
Dear Mom, Man, I’ve been really down lately. We just got our grades back for the last two modules, and I’m not doing too hot I’d like to give the excuse “oh, but everyone is failing there exams!” But that’s a stupid excuse. I don’t know what to do anymore, because I’ve never studied this hard in my life! And then to not get results? To not...
September 2010
2 posts
it seems the harder we try, the worst things turn out; generally speaking about everything in my life right now.
3 tags
wake (up)
my college/med school classmate’s sister just passed away this week, and i attended the wake earlier this evening. he had taken an leave-of-absence when his sister got a fever and aphasia (loss of speech). without a sure diagnosis, she passed away less than two weeks later.
i almost ended up crying during the wake when i realized that his sister is the same age as mine, and that the...
August 2010
3 posts
personal spaces
no, i don’t feel bad because you don’t technically exist in my world. :) nothing personal, we’re just… not friends.
i have a feeling i’m gonna need extra personal space the next few weeks to avoid massive meltdown O_o Rizal Lib here I come!
1 tag
catch a falling star & put it in your pocket.
we’ve all heard of random acts of kindness from stranger-to-stranger. this week, i’ve been blessed to experience this with a few friends, who didn’t exactly realize how much of a gift they were giving me.
1. got stranded at the cafeteria in AdMU, and N. was sweet enough to “borrow” an umbrella from the library, walk through the pouring rain, and fetch us at the...
3 tags
the price of convenience
I got my HPV shot from my cousin’s wife’s clinic at the Medical Plaza Ortigas along San Miguel Ave., almost near Shaw Blvd. & then I walked all the way home to Corinithian Executive Regency along Ortigas Ave.
Why?
Because I am so sick of this urban jungle. Or this monotonous stress. Or doing what I’m supposed to do. Of sticking to deadlines.
I walked home just for the hell...
July 2010
6 posts
2 tags
the adopted son
Mom: tell mike f. that i consider him an adopted son :)
Jay: *texts mike*
Mike: does that mean we can't get married? :(
Jay: HAHA! it means she thinks of you when she goes shopping!
Mike: ay! i think of you when i go shopping too! actually, i think of you all the time :3
Mom: BOLAAAA!
Jay: hahaha my mom says: bolaaaa! i'm just like her!
Mike: mmmmaybe! of course even the most beautiful girl in the whole world got her genes from somewhere!
Mom: I LIKE HIM!!! *high five*
family (&) medicine
1. the time is drawing near when my maternal and paternal sides of the family will meet. & either all of the family drama will surface (once they hand out the wine), or everyone will have the sense to keep quiet long enough to celebrate the wedding. it’s a good thing my mother is taking care of seating arrangements. in a moment of mild insanity, i may have had the lunatic idea of putting...
buried secrets.
1.
the sorry conclusion, the low dirty war, it happened before you came to
but this is solution, and this is amends the joke always tends to come true and there on your windowsill over the unmoving platoon written in paperback, the view to the quarterback’s room under waning moon this quiet serves only to hide you provide you what i knew
2. i think it’s appropriate to...
a piece of her is in my soul/heart.
mom: you know, out of all my children you are the only one that has said to me, "I'm ok mom, you can go now." you said it in when i dropped you off at kindergarten, and when we dropped you off at your college dorm.
me: but i think out of all your children, i appreciate your hugs the most :)
metaphysical unease.
in the ebb and flow of life, we have these moments of metaphysical unease, when something intangible is nagging at our soul, tugging on our sleeve, keeping us up until 2am thinking about life. about our personal life, our life within community, about society, the nation, the world.
it is in these moments of unease that we become open to the world. the unease is similar to what one feels when...
make mistakes, just make a choice.
When we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grow up… Our answers were things like astronaut, president, or in my case, princess. When we were ten, they asked us again and we answered - rock star, cowboy, or in my case, gold medalist. But now that we’ve grown up, they want a serious answer. Well, how about this: who the hell knows? This isn’t the time to make...
June 2010
1 post
dysfunctional.
in the span of 2 months, i have fought with both of my beloved brothers. coincidentally, both times it was about the woman in their life.
i didn’t mean to, and i’m very sorry. but i’m also quite sad that it came down to this both times. that my brothers couldn’t talk to me like normal people talk, or didn’t know me well enough to understand what i was trying to say.
...
May 2010
3 posts
April 2010
10 posts
new language
the internet has fathered the poetics of fragments, of status updates. & i just read somewhere that Twitter is giving its archive of “tweets” to the Library of Congress. [who the hell would want to read that, i don’t know!]
after staying on Twitter for less than half a day, it’s annoying reading other peoples pages. it’s as if you’re watching someone have...
“Every word you’ve said
and every piece of laughter,
I have memorized.”
– Daily Haiku on Love by Tyler Knott Gregson (via tylerknott)
connected
i am on:
gmail
yahoo
facebook
tumblr
blip.fm
& now TWITTER
& PLURK. (which is by far, the best choice hahahaha)
staying connected to a world i’m so far away from is difficult :( you think we were happier when we just called our friends on the phone, and spent our free time playing outside or curled up with cocoa & a good book?
[edit: I MISSED MY GIRLIES! plurk ftw! :)...
i’m slowly getting cabin fever O_O i can feel myself going crazy. very very slowly.
——-
i know why! i haven’t been playing good music out loud. feeling a little better.
March 2010
7 posts
must remember! →
